Name : Mike Hilton

Age : 24

Nickname : Paris / The Skunk

Attributes : Fucking Amazing Tricks

Other Clubs : No

Year Joined Club : 2000

Kit Sponsorship : Little Red Demon Sports Car Company Limited

Player Bio : A full back in denial, Paris thinks he's a winger but deep down knows his true position is at the back. Hearts scouts spotted his talent in a Nike advert where he was showing Ronaldinho a thing or two. The lad has more tricks than David Blain - one poor opponent is still wandering around Phoenix trying to work out what Paris did from a game 2 years ago!