Name : Gary Slocombe

Age : 26

Nickname : Slow-To-Come

Attributes : See above

Other Clubs : No

Year Joined Club : 2002

Kit Sponsorship : Heineken

Player Bio : Paddy converted to centre half from left back last season to great effect, but has been absent from the Hearts line up this season after his road to nowhere mishap. He was last seen wandering round an M42 service station trying to get back from Cardiff having 'lost' his coach.