The Hearts travelled to Ridgeway with hopes of continuing on the form from last weeks victory with another 3 points. It was even the Hearts biggest player turnout of the season with Manager Linnell having to pick from 16 players. Usual keeper Andy Bailey was asked to sit this one out as Apu Stacey took over between the sticks, the other change was Grant "Cream & Brown ??" Mitchell coming in for the injured Player Manager Linnell. 

Gimp Room

Ironically even with the huge turnout of players for the Hearts, they were made to squeeze into the "Gimp room" style store cupboard changing room which brought a huge smile to the face of Wesley. Fortunately Robbie Aspinall had brought his own Playschool chair so it turned into a bit of a “Donna” style rendezvous in that, although a tight fit, everyone managed to get in one after the other. 

The game kicked off at a high tempo with the home side putting the Hearts under a bit of early pressure without really testing the Kwik-E-Mart shopkeeper. “Retro Fashion Victim” Mitchell and Wooffinden were struggling to contain the lively left winger – Johnny Cook, who got in a couple of testing crosses. In fact the closest anyone came to a goal was when Apu was busy fixing the squishy machine and almost let a cross drift inside the far post. 

Half time : Ridgeway 0 Sacred Heart 0 

The game was like a good young lady, tight throughout, and the feeling was one goal would settle it. Unfortunately for the Hearts, the home team got a lucky break with a deflection off a Hearts defender falling to the Ridgeway strikers feet who put everything into his shot and saw it trickle past the helpless Apu. 

The Hearts best chance to grab a point fell to Taylor who made a late run from midfield to latch onto another Cartridge pass (total number this season = 2). Instead of shooting (normally he’s the first man to “shoot”) he attempted to square the ball to the energetic Crazy Dutch Superstar, Hakon, only for the keeper to catch the “backpass” easily. Double Bummer enthusiast Cartridge later had a chance to square the ball back to either Taylor or Aspinall but opted to shoot instead, again this was unsuccessfully…”I already passed the ball once today, I certainly wasn’t going to do it again!!!” Cartridge raged afterwards. 

Full Time : Ridgeway 1 Sacred Heart 0 

The Referee who once starred in the comedy hit ‘Airplane’ had been hassled by both sets of supporters alike throughout the game for some of his decisions, stated, “ I guess I picked the wrong week to quit wearing contacts…!” 

Pant Fest

After the match, the Hearts lads were quite despondent back in the shoe box dressing room. Manager Linnell tried to lift his players by saying it was a much improved performance than the week before and asked for those work rate standards to be kept up. He also suggested switching to a cream and brown away kit may prove more successful. Fashion Guru Dearnsy agreed and decided to cheer the lads up in his own way by initiating a Pant Fest, launching his sweaty under garments at the players who in turn returned them to land on the back of ‘Lord of the Rings’ fan Cartridge who seemed to enjoy the sensation. 

Goals On Monday Memo to players:

Only 7 players and 1 fan turned up at the pub afterwards for drinks and snacks. GOM would like to remind the players that numbers need to be increased as Stacey wont be there every week to finish off all the sandwiches.

Kind Regards from the GOM Team.

Sacred Heart : Stacey, Wooffinden (Yosemite), Slocombe, Ntiedu, Dearns, Merrill (Andresson), Wylie (Oliver), Taylor, Hilton, Cartridge ©, Aspinall, Subs not used and Abused: Johnson (he wishes), Bailey 

Ridgeway Athletic : No team sheet handed into Goals on Monday Team.